It takes courage to make a change, but I’ve come to realise that sometimes it can be harder to stay put. Yet most of us are trying to make some or the other settlement work at this point, simply because we’re afraid to ask the difficult question: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? Till the age of 19, I had spent half my life studying and the other half dancing. Within my limited horizons, passion was the driving force of life and education a necessity to sustain functionality. Little did I know that this one revelation would turn my entire belief system topsy-turvy. Little did I know that the biggest concern of mine, that of having a ‘sorted life’ with a firm career choice, would simply go to hell and for good!
I have always believed in having strong roots no matter how far the wings of dreams let you fly. I am someone who always comes back home. Someone who cannot thrive superficially. Someone who gets her hands dirty and attaches herself to what populates her world in the moment. So when my safety net broke in 2018, I was pushed to the edge, clueless as to what I should be doing next. Here’s the thing: the world will tell you to be successful, but never explain the ambiguity of that term. My family had never supported my passion for the performing arts. So alone, scared, and too proud to admit, I loathed myself for suddenly feeling an urge to try something different from what I had defended unequivocally till now. So I suppressed it. Going on in the same lifestyle drained me and took my zest away, but I had learnt that consistency is the proof of will power. I read a lot in the self-help genre: how to become successful, how to harness my energy, how to become a better person: Nothing worked. I held on consistently. Until I couldn’t.
Finally, I gave in to my lack of faith and result, and recklessly set out to explore my interest in writing; beginning my new journey in copywriting. Despite the fun I had and the experience I gained, it was hard to feel satisfied or even comfortable with myself, because deep down I still didn’t understand why I was doing any of it. A year later, I burnt out again, still wondering why I wasn’t able to prove myself still. You see, in the race to be on the right track, we forget to ask ourselves who’s judging the marathon really. We fail to realise that while consistency is the proof of will power, what matters is whether you’re consistent in mechanical action or self discovery. Missing the freedom of momentary lapses in my dance studio, I chased the performing arts again. Today, at 21, I am again back to writing.
Yes, I hopped, and am hopping still. But today, I am much happier than I was two years ago. I understand basic photography, digital marketing, performing arts, food & beverage, business management, and the nuances of effective communication more than I ever thought I could (introvert turned omnivert). Opportunities are flowing, and I am grabbing head on. I have the most vivid experiences, and my heart is overflowing. Why? Simply BECAUSE I ACCEPTED IT. I accepted the fact that I’m an artist at heart, who might never be satiated with settlement. I accepted that being a youngster in a developing country is tough, but wishing otherwise won’t make it any better. Somewhere along the lines I came to understand the meaning to the million dollar question, the one my brother would always put up: ‘ if you died tomorrow, would you be happy with the life you have lived?”. Life is too long to be sorted for ever. Your network is too big to ever have a synchronised opinion. That is why it is important to trust in your own voice over the tangibility of results. That is the only success you can ever bank upon to achieve anything fulfilling. I am coming to accept that sometimes, YOU HAVE TO STOP WONDERING WHERE THE ROAD WILL TAKE YOU AND JUST ENJOY THE WALK. That sometimes, your biggest cheerleaders could be a robust hindrance and on those days, the strongest support you can have comes from you. Embrace it.
